8 Things You Should Know About Being A New Mom

Being a new mom is awesome…ly hard. With all of the classes, books, and tips they give you before the baby comes you would think hospitals would have a newborn crash course where they spend another 9 months teaching both you and your new baby how to coexist. But once that bundle of joy pops out of your body you are expected to already be a pro at things you have never actually experienced like breastfeeding, changing diapers on your protesting subject, and somehow stopping the blood curdling screams of a person you just met. While I won’t be able to physically help you through these hurdles I can hopefully offer up some comfort (or maybe just a good laugh) as I share with you what I learned about being a new mom from my own personal experience.

1. TEARS WILL BE SHED:

Believe it or not, you will find that you’re crying almost as much (if not more) than your newborn. You’re going to feel like this means that you’re a bad mother or that you don’t love your baby the way you’re “supposed” to. That’s not true. It’s just that breastfeeding is hard, sleep is scarce, and I SAID I NEEDED A COTTON SWADDLE, NOT THE POLYESTER!

 

Don’t worry.

Everyone has spent the last 9 months with your hormonal ass so they’ll be able to handle a few more weeks of it.

And it will pass.

2. YOU’RE GOING TO HURT ALL OVER:

I mentioned this after I had Declan, but I feel like it is not talked about enough. 5-10 lbs. of human just came out of your who-haw. Or even harder, if you had a c-section then you just went through major surgery. You will quite literally be crab walking around your home for a few weeks wearing nothing but sweat pants and maxi skirts. Did I mention the disposable shorts they call underwear and dinosaur sized pads they give you?

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And while I wish I could tell you that you’ll look as good as she does in these bad boys 24 hours postpartum, the truth of the matter is you’ll probably be looking more like this:

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But the good news is that as your uterus shrinks back down to normal size you will start to see that go down.

3. YOU’RE GOING TO BE EXHAUSTED:

No, not “I partied on a Sunday until 3 am and I have to be at work by 6 am for a day full of meetings” tired. I’m talking about a whole new bonus level of exhaustion that you didn’t even know existed. One where you legitimately wonder how you have not died yet because it does not seem physically possible to survive off of such little energy.

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It will be overwhelming and at times you won’t know how you’re going to make it through the day, but on the plus side you will have made a new best friend: Coffee. Coffee will become your very best friend.

4. YOU WILL BECOME “THAT PARENT”:

I don’t care who you are or what you claim now. Once you have that adorable babe in your arms you will find yourself physically unable to keep your thumb off of the camera button on your phone. The real struggle will then be to stop yourself from Instagraming each and every shot you take. Because your child is the cutest baby you have ever seen in your life and you want to make the world a better place by plastering that adorable smile all over it.

 

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5. EVERYONE HAS AN OPINION:

“When I had my kid…” is going to become the most popular starter sentence you will ever hear. Most of the time people mean well but it does get exhausting having everyone try to tell you how to raise your child. They will tell you that you are spoiling your baby, not holding them right, or that you need to let them cry. Take it all with a grain of salt and remember that nobody knows your baby like you do and no two kids are the same so what worked for them might not work for you and that’s okay.

6. YOU WILL GOOGLE ABSURD THINGS:

What color is a newborn’s poop supposed to be?

Why does my baby cry so much?

If my baby is exposed to rock music will they grow up to rebel against authority?

Can you die from hearing a newborn cry too much?

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You get my drift.

7. YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF UNABLE TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN YOUR NEWBORN:

It’s not your fault you made a super baby, am I right?

But after spending twenty minutes babbling about the cute way your little one blinks and eats and shits you will notice that your company may look a little less excited than you.

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But hey, you’re totally allowed to be annoying right now.

Just make sure to remember to ask them about their lives too.

8. YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME:

Before your newborn baby it was like,

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But now that you have that bundle of joy in your arms, your life will be more like this:

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Nobody said you had to give up everything, right?!

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The Vegas Bikini

You could blame it on the new morning routine of 5:00 am wake up calls that has left me sleep deprived.
Or the mastitis that had been overwhelming my body.
Maybe it was because I had been dealing with a fevering, teething baby for three days.

I honestly don’t know if it was the exhaustion or the Super moon but doesn’t change the fact that I found myself at a one year old’s birthday party this past weekend in my Vegas bikini.

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It wasn’t.

I’m still trying to wrap my head around how the same girl who lives in jeans and a tank top managed to misrepresent herself so well.

While packing our bag in the morning I was in a hurry.
I grabbed the bikini off of the dryer along with Derek and Declan’s trunks, without really thinking about which one it was.
Once we got to the party, Declan was desperate to get in the pool.
And because the fates hate me, for the first time ever Derek did not want to get into the water.
So I grabbed my suit along with a cover up and went to change.
It wasn’t until I had even come back from changing that I had realized the gravity of the situation.
Derek said, “You brought your Vegas bikini?”

Shit.

I used Declan as a human shield to cover my body as I scurried quickly into the water.

I can only imagine how pretentious I looked in my bright green Victoria’s Secret suit and giant sun hat.

You know it’s bad when you’re thinking, “this bitch” about yourself.

Unfortunately for me but lucky in the situation, I don’t exactly fill out said bikini like the Victoria’s Secret model advertising it.

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I’m still asking my mom when my boobs are going to come in.

But boobs or no boobs I still felt like a giant one.

And while I may be banned from 1 year old pool parties for the rest of my life I at least learned a valuable lesson:

Victoria’s Secret bikinis should be stored in the naughty drawer to avoid uncomfortable situations like these.

Because Lord knows that thing is collecting dust.

(Just kidding).

But seriously.

I need to store my shit better.

Peace, love, and tanning grease!

Catching Up

I’ve got two blog posts sitting in my draft folder.
They are quirky and fun and almost done.
(That was an accidental rhyme I promise).
But I'm leaving them there because today I just want to catch up.

Life has been so hectic recently.
Not bad hectic, but the kind that has you unable to keep your eyes open past 9 pm.

I've had to make a decision during nap time on whether I want to blog or workout and frankly, working out has been winning because I'm hitting the Las Vegas strip in a month and I want my baby-made stretch marks to look slightly less stretchy if you know what I mean.

Currently I'm in full blown birthday planning mode for Declan which is both fun and stressful.
Damn Vistaprint ruined my invites but I don't have time to get new ones so I had to send out these weird, oversized, and cut off ones.
Our guest list is HUGE and I'm trying to think of ways to ensure that Declan isn't horribly overstimulated at this massive event that is supposed to be for him, not against him.
And our awesome photographer is moving to Dubai so now I'm on the hunt for a new one.
(If anyone knows a reasonably priced photographer in the SoCal area please let me know!)

Derek went on a fishing trip Thursday-Sunday and Declan did not enjoy his daddy being gone for so long.
He became super clingy as if he felt I was going to leave too every single time he was out of my arms.

Example:
On Sunday he took a nap and I worked out.
He woke up as I was finishing the last 2 minutes of my program and watched me calmly as I finished.
I picked him up out of the stroller, got him some snacks, and made our way to the bathroom so I could shower.
I turned the shower on and put him down so I could get undressed.
The minute his tiny feet hit the cold tile he began to scream and stomp.
He grasped my leg with both arms, cried "Mama!" and refused to let go.
So I sat there, naked and sweaty on my bathroom floor and did the only thing I could think of to calm him down.
I breastfed.
After about 5 minutes of wasting water during a horrible drought later he seemed like a new baby.
I began to put him down but before his feet even hit he was screaming again.
So I took him in the shower with me.
Mind you, I tried to bring toys in and have him hang out on the floor while I washed off quickly but he was irate and I was afraid he would slip and hit his head if I just forced him to stay down there.
You don't know skills until you have held a slippery wet baby in one arm and washed your body with the other.

Needless to say I was so happy when Derek came home.

I also hosted a bridal shower for my sister-in-law Jamie on Saturday which was great.
Her sisters, mom, and my mom helped me out A LOT which I was super grateful for.
It was beautiful and everyone had a great time.

Park days, lunch dates, and hour drives to see my mom have left us with hardly any down time.

I'm looking forward to relaxing this Father's Day weekend and just connecting with my little family.

I'll leave you today a hint for Declan's birthday party theme.

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Can you guess what it is? :)

P.s.
Here’s a little photo dump of everything we have been up to lately!

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Jaxon’s first birthday:

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Heaven and Hell party (we went as Miley and the Biebs):

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My dad’s birthday:

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Talk soon friends!

The Mommy’s Who Suck at Meeting Other Moms Club

Our days have become pretty routine.
Wake up, eat breakfast, diaper change, and play.
Followed by more food, more diaper changes, and more playing, with a trip to the grocery store thrown in at some point before Derek gets home.
But today as I drove home from the store I intentionally made a premature left hand turn and found myself at the park.
I wrapped my son in the Ergo and followed the cement path to the playground entrance.
He loves the swings but prefers to be wrapped on me for the ride rather than in the infant ones.
The sun kissed our necks, the breeze whispered sweet nothings, and in this moment I felt at peace.
I watched Declan’s eyes shift to follow the other kids playing and decided it was time to unwrap and let him explore.
His feet touched the textured ground and he turned back to me with a whimper of uncertainty.
I gently caressed his head and reassured him that he had nothing to fear.
He stood there for a moment in silence.

Then he let out a cry of joy, clapped his hands, and flew.
He glided around the playground so swift and smoothly, like a boat on the calm, glassy morning river.
And then he stopped, completely memorized by the other children.
I realized he and I were having the same thought at the same time.
He watched the children, longing for their companionship yet too timid to motion to them just as I watched the mothers without making any move in their direction.
After all, they switched from English to Spanish the minute we walked up so they didn’t seem interested in making new friends.
Maybe that’s how he felt as well about the children running right past without blinking an eye in his direction.
I felt the weight of both our needs tug on my heart and left with a guilt leached on me.
My son deserves companionship.
He craves friendship.
But I feel so lost and overwhelmed in the sea of mothers.

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A few weeks ago I tried to join a local mommy and me group.
They have yet to accept my request but their site is updated daily, so I know they’ve seen it.
I’ve looked into classes but can’t find anything in my area.
I feel like the new kid in school, walking aimlessly around the halls trying to find my place.
And watching my son pine for companions makes me feel like I’m getting a big fat F in motherhood.

I need to talk with someone who’s experienced nighttime tantrums just as much as Declan needs to talk to someone who knows what he’s really saying when he repeats the word yes over and over again.
My closest mommy friend lives thousands of miles away and even though I’m thankful we are there for each other I wish we could sit on the same couch, drink from the same bottle of wine, and watch our kids play together while we chat about the horrors of diaper changes and the joys of nap time.

Maybe I should start my own group.
The Mommy’s Who Suck At Meeting Other Moms Club.
Our mascot will be the toothy smile emoji

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(This one)

and we will converse over pieces of food found in our hair and sippy cups filled with wine iced tea.
We won’t make people pay membership fees or put in an application to be reviewed.
We’ll just have our kids be the rulers of the club and let their innocence remind us daily of a time when making friends was as simple as playing on the same playground at the same time.

So if you’re interested in a judgement free, application free, and possibly sanity free play date (depending on how much sleep I got) let me know.
Because Declan is eagerly waiting to make a new friend and I could use one too.

Month Eight

Everybody can tell you how fast your child will grow before your eyes but there is still no way to prepare for it.
One day they are flapping around like an immobile penguin during tummy time and the next they’re jetting across the room on all fours.
At breakfast you see the outline of a tooth and by dinner it’s already cut through.
Don’t blink they say, you’ll miss it.
And boy are they right!

It’s worth noting that I had the most difficult time ever today trying to get him to pose for pictures.

Normally he’s a ham but all he wanted to do was crawl around today so it was a struggle to get any pictures of him standing still.

Zoom Zoom:
This past month Declan has perfected the art of crawling.
He no longer stumbles over himself and can easily (and quickly I might add) jam across the entire house.
Additionally, he loves being chased and has turned it into quite the game.

Finger Lickin’ Good:

Declan quickly decided that he prefers feeding himself to being fed.
One of the lactation consultants I saw recommended letting him eat things as they come rather than mashing and puréeing everything.
I was pretty nervous about him choking but he seems to have a really good understanding of the process.
So far he does bananas straight from the peel and apples that we start for him.

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Stand Up:
When he’s not crawling he is practicing standing.
He’s even gotten brave enough to let go and balances for a few seconds before ultimately falling.
It’s crazy to think that he’s in the beginning stages of walking already!

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Mad Skills:
Declan is a pretty fast learner and I’ve been having a lot of fun teaching him some new skills.
He can clap and high five now which are both adorable.
I’m hoping that waving catches on soon too and may try out baby sign language since he’s been picking up things so well.

Teeth, Teeth, And More Teeth:
Teething is just the worst.
I don’t remember it personally but I know how I get when I have a toothache so I feel for the guy.
Just in the last two weeks four more teeth have popped and Declan is in a lot of pain as they finish pushing all the way out.
Naturally as a result he has been fussier than usual and his sleep pattern is all out of whack.

Zoom Zoom, Crash:
That’s right, crawling made both lists.
With this skill comes a lot of falls and a lot of exploring.
And with exploring comes the realization that your home has several dangers you weren’t aware were actually dangerous.
Let’s just say we have a lot of baby proofing to do this weekend.

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To some my life may look boring but I have so much fun with Derek and Declan everyday and I wouldn’t trade my life for anything.
Our home is filled with laughter, dance parties, and early bedtimes and I absolutely love it.

Happy 8 months baby boy!

Month Seven

It was a long night in the Franklin home.
Derek had some sort of 24 bug that had him throwing up and going in and out of a cold sweat and Declan decided that he was just in a bad mood and was inconsolable.
I could definitely go for another cup of coffee to say the least.
Fortunately things have calmed down today and we will be off to my nephew’s 1st birthday party shortly.
But before we venture on I wanted to pop in to say happy 7 months to my baby love and to share what’s been going on in his world this past month.

Two Front Teeth:
Last month I shared that his first tooth cut and shortly after that his second bottom tooth followed.
He looks absolutely adorable with his two front teeth in, I just wish he didn’t feel the need to bite me all the time!

Babbler:
Declan has been a chatterbox for a long time now, but he has recently started to mimic us.
One of the ways we have been able to get him to smile for a few months now has been to look at him, stick our tongues out, and say “blah!”
And now he had started to say blah, as the video below will show you.

Adorable, right?
He’s also said mama and dada, but since we couldn’t get him to repeat them for us we know they don’t count.
Words are clearly on the horizon though!

Pass The Bananas:
We started solids at six months with Declan which has been so entertaining.
His first food was avocado which he is lukewarm about.
Next we did banana and it has become his favorite thing in the whole world.
He literally screams and tries to yank the spoon out of our hands when we feed them to him.
I recently tried pears and it seems he may have an allergy to them but I will have to attempt it one more time to see if that was the trigger or not.
I’ve been making my own foods which I also really enjoy.

Hey Girl:
My son is the biggest flirt!
He definitely knows a woman when he sees one and he promptly puts on his game face.
In NC we were at the register paying for something and I put Declan over my shoulder.
He screamed at me and flipped his body back over just so he could stare at the woman working there.
He can be in the middle of crying but if a girl walks by and makes eye contact with him he will immediately stop crying and bust out his dimples and a smile.
I’m going to have my hands full with this one.

I Want What I Want:
Of course I have a stubborn, strong willed child.
The apple definitely doesn’t fall far from the tree between Derek and I.
I’m sure both our mothers would call it payback.
Declan knows exactly what he wants and when he can’t get said thing he throws a fit.
This can be really challenging when, for example, we are in a restaurant and he’s reaching with his whole body for your iced tea.
Not only is he stubborn, he is strong and squirmy so it can be hard to keep him from grabbing things and then when we do succeed in stopping him, he screams and snarls.
It’s actually cute and funny sometimes but I doubt the people around us agree.

Spaghetti Noodle:
Again, he is very strong willed.
We have even calling him spaghetti noodle because when he gets sleepy his body starts to go limp and wiggle around like a pasta noodle.
Once he realizes that he is starting to give in to the sleepiness however, he pops back up and repeats the whole process.
This can last up to two hours before he finally falls asleep.
I’m sure you can imagine the struggle.

Long And Lean:
At Declan’s 6 month check up we found out that he had only gained about 3 oz. in the past month, putting him in the zero percentile for his age weight wise.
Naturally I freaked out but the doctor assured us that he looked really healthy and that he seemed fine and may just be a tall, skinny guy.
We had to do some blood work just in case and two of the tests came back just slightly under so we have to have his blood drawn again this upcoming week and check to see if he’s gained any weight.
They don’t seem worried so neither I am but prayers would be much appreciated!

As to be expected, this month was filled with new challenges but also new excitements.

My little boy is growing so quickly and it’s going to be a blast to see how different he is in just another month.

I’ll leave you with a shot of his pearly whites because I can :)

XOXO

I Don’t Watch “All My Children”

The room is quiet and there is just enough light coming from our dimmers for me to see the play yard bassinet for those middle of the night diaper changes.

Derek lay to my left while Declan is cuddled up on my chest.

It is in this moment that though I should be taking the opportunity to get some sleep, I find myself unable to shut off my brain.

This week I resigned from my position at work and officially became a full time stay at home mother/house wife.

I can only imagine the lack of enthusiasm people will have towards my “career” choice at my ten year high school reunion.

Feminism has taught me that choosing to stay home with my child will cripple me as a woman.

That I will be settling, no longer reaching my full potential, and conforming to a man’s ideas on what my place in this world is.

But why is a life lived for the ones you love considered an empty one?

When we as a society think of housewives/mothers we are conditioned to think of a mindless, submissive woman who takes too many prescription drugs and never misses an episode of All My Children.

There’s something so unsuccessful and lazy in our eyes about a woman who doesn’t earn her own income.

As if raising a child is as simple as turning on the Disney channel and passing them a bottle.

I’ve only been a mother for six weeks and already I have discovered how physically, mentally, and emotionally demanding parenting is.

We don’t get lunch breaks, coffee breaks, or even bathroom breaks.

And when the baby is finally napping and you’ve managed to get your hands free for a half hour, you try to do as much as possible around the house including eating something, which has become a chore in itself, all while running off of three hours of sleep.

So maybe I won’t win an award for most successful at my high school reunion.

Maybe I’ll forever be categorized as a pill popping, soap-opera-watching, sorry excuse of a woman.

if you see me as a failure of a lady because I’ve “given up my rights” then that’s your problem.

Because the way I see it:

It is my privilege as a mother to raise my son.

It is my privilege as a woman to choose my family over a career.

And it is my right as a person to decide my own path.

And there is nothing weak, lazy, or unsuccessful about that.

Pregnant In Paradise

**Fair Warning: This is a photo heavy post. If you don’t like photos then I apologize… and I also think that is weird. Seriously, who doesn’t like pictures?!**”

Aloha!

I’m back to reality after seven days in Maui, but I’m going to tell you all about it so that I can pretend I am still there.

First of all, I’d like to give a big shout out to Derek’s grandparents for this wonderful trip.

We flew first class, stayed in an ocean front room, and did everything/ate everything we wanted.

For ZERO dollars.

Thank you both for your selfless hearts and incredible generosity.

WEDNESDAY:

Our trip started where all trips like these do:

On an airplane.

I’m sure frequent flyers of first class are rolling their eyeballs at me right now, but that shit blew my mind.

All you can drink booze [which I obviously was not able to partake in] and plated meals with real silverware and linen napkins?

Derek ordered cereal and we then went on to discuss how they would probably bring him corn flakes instead of magical frosted flakes.

We were right and we determined that first class was changing us.

“Corn Flakes? What is this? COACH?!”

All in good fun I assure you.

We were horribly out of place and it was hilarious.

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As you can see, Derek was making sure he got his money’s worth.

My shock and awe continued when we got to the Sheraton and checked into our rooms.

I mean seriously, look at this.

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So once I calmed down and stopped acting like a 5 year on their first Disneyland trip we decided to go down and explore a little.

And by explore a little I mean we plopped down on bar stools and ate/drank.

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Later I had a delicious macadamia nut crusted mahi mahi for dinner at Hula Grill and slumbered like a baby.

THURSDAY:

Derek and I were so excited to start our day that we both jumped out of bed at 5:30 am bright eyed and bushy tailed.

We would later regret this decision, but I digress.

We went out onto our balcony where we were met with whales, doves, and a beautiful rainbow.

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Naturally we decided to hand feed the doves and take a million pictures of the whales before finally decided it was time to get ready and feed the pregnant lady.

Afterwards, we decided the only logical thing to do was walk around Whaler’s Village, but we quickly discovered that Hawaiians do not wake up as early as we do because all of the stores were closed.

So we went snorkeling instead.

And now, a story…within a story:

I have only been snorkeling one other time in my life, on my honeymoon in Costa Rica.

This was not the best experience for a few reasons:

1. It was the rainy season so that water was murky aka you couldn’t see 5 ft in front of you.

2. We were literally in the middle of the ocean next to a random rock completely alone.

3. The water was less than calm that day.

Also it’s worth mentioning that I watched Jaws one too many times as a child and am deathly afraid of sharks.

Within 10 minutes of being out there a wave crashed me into the rock and busted open my leg.

Needless to say I hightailed back into our kayak faster than you can say this shark, swallow ya whole!

[Jaws reference my friends]

So when we stepped into the water in Maui I freaked.

I started hyperventilating, convincing myself that my snorkel gear wouldn’t provide me enough oxygen and that I was undoubtedly going to be eaten by a shark.

And then I felt Derek squeeze my hand.

I looked at him and he pointed to our right where less than 5 ft away was a giant turtle.

Watching it move so calmly and gracefully in the water instantly put me to ease.

After that I was able to fully enjoy the experience under the water.

FRIDAY:

This happened.

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Those are banana, pineapple, macadamia nut pancakes and they were 100% worth the 45 minute line we had to stand in to get them.

If you’re ever in Maui I highly recommend going to The Gazebo for breakfast.

Afterwards I was sent off to an 80 minute prenatal massage.

When I got back Derek sent me up to our room to freshen up and when I got there I found a beautiful card and fancy box waiting for me.

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He wanted to get me something that represented our trip/adventures, our relationship, and the life we created and he did a great job.

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I told Derek I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman:

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SATURDAY:

Somehow magically I managed to hurt my foot.

Since I know I didn’t trip, slip, or move my foot the wrong way I decided this was just the result of being pregnant.

None the less, it required getting/wearing a lovely wrap for the remainder of our trip.

We also failed at doing the “Road To Hana” trip.

For anyone who doesn’t know, it is a 4 hour round trip that stars in Paia and ends in Hana.

The road you take has all sorts of beautiful stops along the way from waterfalls to botanical gardens.

Only problem is that we decided to take the “scenic route” to get to Paia which resulted in a 3 hour drive just to get to our starting point.

By the time we hit the “Halfway to Hana” mark it was already getting late so we had to turn around and call it a day.

Live and learn my friends.

We did however manage to get some delicious banana bread.

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“If it says it on a hand written sign it must be true!”– Derek

And we at least got a few pictures as well.

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For dinner we went to a place called Basil Tomatoes which filled my belly with delicious tomatoes, bread, and lasagna.

SUNDAY:

Went to the Hyatt for breakfast which was the highlight of Derek’s day because they have penguins.

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He was so happy, but who can blame him?

Look at how cute they are!

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Later we did a little snorkeling and I got Derek chocolate wasted.

Okay technically I was the one chocolate wasted from choco banana smoothies while he had sebreezes, but I don’t think either of us were suffering.

We kept it way mellow all day because I was a gimp, it was really windy, and we were anticipating our evening festivities.

The Old Lahaina Luau.

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It was a magical evening filled with all the greatest things in life:

Laughter.

Food/Drink.

Culture.

Good company.

 Love.

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And when it was all said and done and we got back to our hotel room my body decided to thank me for the good time by throwing up everything.

Sigh.

I spent a good half hour or so vomiting my brains out until I was finally able to curl up in a ball and fall asleep.

MONDAY:

Our snorkel tour got cancelled because of the weather so we ended up kicking back for most of the day and just relaxing which was much needed after the food poisoning from the night before.

TUESDAY:

Probably my favorite day.

We ended up scheduling another snorkel tour after ours was cancelled on Monday.

On our way to our first spot, we saw a bunch of whales.

Babies were jumping the air and their mama’s followed closely.

At one point we had a mama whale literally swim right up to our boat as if to get in between us and her baby.

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It. Was. Incredible.

We saw an octopus, an eel, three turtles, and a trillion fish on our dive.

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Since it was our full day, we decided to snorkel one last time at hotels beach when we got back.

The beach was packed which was a big turn off, but I really wanted to get a picture of Derek jumping off Black Rock so we got in anyway.

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Derek immediately spotted what everyone else in the water was going nuts over:

Two turtles.

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When we were getting out, I was taking off my gear and one of them came and swam up right to me.

It surfaced and then brushed against me as it swam away.

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As you can see, we stared into one another souls and I now speak fluent turtle.

Also this was taken with a water camera which is why the quality is so 1990’s.

For dinner we went to Mama’s Fishouse which is AMAZING.

Please excuse my zombie eyes

Please excuse my zombie eyes

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It’s expensive but sooo worth it.

Definitely save your duckets and go there if you ever venture to Maui.

Wednesday we reluctantly packed up and headed on home.

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And in true first class style we were served hot fudge sundaes.

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Come on now!

I know this is a lengthy post, but hopefully you’re still with me for my bump-date!

20 WEEKS

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Oops that’s not me!

As you can see Derek was having a good time mimicking me while I adjusted the camera settings.

Let’s try this again.

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THE AWESOME:

-NO WORK-

This was the first vacation since our honeymoon where I did not work at all.

Usually I will still answer our pile of office emails but I decided to take a real vacation and it was so nice and needed.

-RAINBOWS FOR A RAINBOW BABY-

We literally saw a rainbow every single morning in Maui, with the exception of our last day there.

I told Derek it was a proper farewell.

Double rainbow

Double rainbow

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-KICK KICK KICKIN’-

The kicks have started to become much more frequent and noticeable.

It melts my heart every single time.

THE AWKWARD:

-FISH OR NO FISH-

While you’re allowed to eat certain fish while pregnant you’re still only supposed to do it about twice a week [says my doctor].

Thus being in a place known for their fish and having to compromise with the chicken dish most nights was a bit of a bummer.

Especially since I love fish.

-SKINNY MINNY, FATTY BO BATTY-

“You’re pregnant? You must not be very far along, you can’t even tell!”

and

“Wow! You’ve doubled in size since the last time I saw you!” [which was the night before]

Both of these things were said to me by two different people on the same day.

Word to the wise:

Don’t tell a pregnant woman that she looks like she has doubled in size within the last 12 hours.

It sends us into a spiraling depression.

CALL ME GIMPY-

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As if I wasn’t getting enough stares for my protruding belly, I was also rocking a Flavor Flav pimp step thanks to my sudden injury.

But I just wouldn’t be me if I didn’t somehow injure myself on vacation.

Cravings:

I ate my weight in banana bread, pineapple, and smoothies this week, yet somehow I managed to not gain a single pound while on vacation.

Winning.

Things I’m Looking Forward To:

Organizing the nursery this weekend to get it ready for painting.

Things I Miss:

Being at several tropical bars and an open bar at the luau made me miss cocktails this week.

But alas, smoothies are a nice alternative.

Baby Note:

WEEk 20

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Here’s to adventures!

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Seventeen

Here’s the thing.

Derek and I work opposite schedules, so getting him to take belly shots for me pretty much only works on the weekends.

“Why don’t you take them at night when you get home?” 

Well my friends…

1. The lighting is awful when I get home

2. By the end of the day my belly feels like it has doubled in size thanks to my good friends food & water.

So I’ve actually been taking all of my belly shots at the half way mark of the weeks rather than the first day.

I.E. My 17 weeks picture was actually taken at 17 1/2 weeks.

I decided that the easiest way to keep the blog up to date with this all and not get super confusing would be to do posts a week late.

Thus, here is my 17 weeks update.

**I am actually 18 weeks today. All posts will be one week behind**

17 WEEKS

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Why hello there growing belly. Can you hurry up and look like a baby bump already?

I’m getting tired of everyone looking at me like I just ate too much.

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THE AWESOME:

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– Feeling Declan kick

I read about what it is supposed to feel like/how you can tell and all of the explanations made no sense to me.

“It’s feels like popcorn popping.”

“Like a butterfly”

“Like a flutter”

I’m sorry but I have never felt any of those things in action so how is that supposed to help?

My best description of it would be simple I suppose.

It feels like something is lightly kicking you and it’s incredible.

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 Picking out nursery paint

paint

It’s a simple thing, but it makes everything feel so real when you actually start hashing out the nursery details.

Here are some things I’m loving for Declan’s nursery.

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I’m so excited about it and I can’t wait to show off the finished product!

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Eating the frosting off of two giant cake slices

And not feeling an ounce of guilt.

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THE AWKWARD:

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Not fully fitting in any pants

My body is still in a weird stage.

My normal pants still fit, but I need to use the belly band because I can’t button them.

But the stupid thing always rides up after sitting and I hate having to adjust it all the time.

Likewise, the band they have built in on maternity pants is waaay too big for me right now, so I have to roll it down which creates a belly band look and thus the same problem.

Why can’t it just be spring already so I can live in sundresses?

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– Registering at Babies-R-Us

And then coming home and finding out that nothing we scanned was registered.

Aka I had to start it all over again online.

Sigh.

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Hiccups

Lately I’ve been getting the hiccups after I eat which apparently means I have been scarfing my dinners down with little room for breath.

I should probably work on that.

And since things are constantly changing, I thought it would be fun to list weekly cravings, excitements, and misses.

Cravings: 

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Homemade green smoothies and Orville mini salt & cracked pepper popcorn

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Things I’m Looking Forward To:

 Anatomy scan in two weeks and Maui for Valentines Day!

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Things I Miss:

Sushi and roller coasters

Baby Notes:

Week 16

Week 17

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Until next week.

Here’s to bumps!

XO

ICEE What you Did There

I think Grandma Lucy said it best when she frequently referred to me as a “little shit”.

Got to love an honest woman.

As an adult I have to admit that she had sound reasoning for this.

And now, a story.

            The K-Mart Incident of 1991.

I remember it as a hot day, but that’s probably because I was dead set on getting an ICEE inside the store, so naturally one of my arguments for my behavior would have to be the weather.

Yes, the weather.

I blame the heat for my actions.

            So there we were, my younger brother Chris in the shopping cart cover and me sitting illegally in the cart itself.

When I saw it.

The mini K-Mart food court and an unmistakable ICEE sign.

I was no rookie.

I spent a lot of time in that K-Mart and I was well aware of the slushy treasure within its walls.

            I started like I always do, planting the seed.

“Mom, ICEES!”

Mom: “No Andrea. You aren’t being a good girl so you don’t get one.”

This is mistake number one.

A previous occasion we were home and I wanted a cookie.

She gave me her “you’re not being a good girl” nonsense which every kid knows is code for “I just don’t want to” and I unleashed a toddler’s fury.

Thinking she could claim victory over me, she put me on time out.

She began to walk away, proud of her accomplishment over her first born child, and that’s when I let her have it.

By let her have it, I of course mean that I self-inflicted pain.

I banged my head repeatedly against the wall until she had no choice but to let me off of time out.

I had tapped into her soft spot.

My sweet mom who couldn’t bare to watch her child in pain.

Excellent.

She then graveled and fed me cookies until I couldn’t see straight.

Or at least that is how my four year old self likes to remember it.

            So here we are again, me with my dukes up and her with hers.

Embarrassed by my screaming we leave K-Mart WITHOUT an ICEE.

This is mistake number two.

Oh mom.

So young, so naïve, so unsuspecting.

Without hesitation I jumped out of the shopping cart the minute we reached the parking lot and began to run and scream at the top of my lungs.

In retrospect, leaving my little brother sitting quietly unattended in a shopping cart while she chased me was like wrapping him up in a paper bow and begging a baby snatcher to take him, but those were seemingly less dangerous times.

She would have been better off letting me run it out, since nobody in their right mind would try to steal a kid who is already screaming bloody murder.

When she finally managed to catch up with my speedy four year old self she said:

 “What do you think you are doing Andrea?”

To which I replied:

“I was going to walk home!”

[Duh Mom]

Mom: “You don’t even know how to get home.”

With my hand on my hip in true diva fashion I said:

“I would have found my way!”

Grandma was right.

What a little shit.

I tell ya, to this day I still apologize to my mom for my younger self.

I’m just hoping karma doesn’t come full force when I have kids.

Which I’m sure it will.

Because let’s be honest.

I kinda deserve it.

And don’t worry I’m not like that anymore.

Though I will still give the occasion head bang on the wall for a good mint chocolate chip cookie.

Just kidding.

But seriously, I will.