Fun fact about me:
I have an uncanny ability to make awkward situations ten times more awkward.
And now, a story.
Sam… Andi… Same thing.
It all started back in December.
I had become a frequent Starbucks consumer and began making daily/every other day trips to the same location which is on the way to work.
Naturally, the barista who works almost every morning learned my name.
“Hi Andi, the usual or are we switching it up today?”
Living the dream, right?
Then one day I walked in to order my usual and she paused.
My barista, Laura, the same girl that had taken my order almost every morning, looked at me puzzled.
“It’s Sam, right?”
Come on Laura, you’re better than this.
I laughed and corrected her.
“No it’s Andi” (insert smiling face)
Now maybe this was my fault.
Maybe the awkward laugh I produced muzzled my response, because she responded:
“That’s what I thought. I don’t know why I blanked. Thanks Sam, have a good one.”
Now a normal person would have again corrected her, but not me.
My palms sweaty, my face flushed.
“Thanks, you too!”
And so I made it a point to wait a few weeks before going back.
I figured it was a fluke and that some time apart would do us both good.
Help us remember the bond we shared when she knew my name and drink.
A few weeks later I heard lady Starbucks calling my name.
That iced coffee cooing at me.
So I went.
“Hi Sam, what’ll it be today?”
Normal persons response:
“Hi Laura. It’s actually Andi and I will take my usual. Thank you so much!”
“Hi Laura. The usual please, thank you so much!”
I know what you’re thinking…
But I encourage you to hold your judgement until the end because it just gets worse from here and I don’t want you wasting those terrible thoughts about me on the beginning of the story.
So now I feel like I’m in too deep.
I let her call me Sam not once, but twice now.
Telling her the third time would no doubt make her think I am a shitty person or that I was intentionally trying to screw with her.
So I let it continue, but whenever she isn’t working I tell whoever is taking my order that my name is Andi.
But then I begin to realize that people are starting to learn my name as both Andi AND Sam.
It’s time to make a decision.
Either let Laura know the truth or fully succumb to being Sam.
I’ve decided to be me. Andi.
I go in one day and Laura is there but she is making the drinks, not taking the orders.
This is my chance!
I can tell the person taking my order that my name is Andi, and when Laura calls out my name and sees me take my drink she will then realize that my name is not Sam and I will have avoided having to tell her face to face.
Starbucks Guy: “Hi, what can I get you?”
Me: “Hello. Venti iced coffee with non-fat milk unsweetened, please.”
Here we go, you can do it.
Starbucks Guy: “Sure thing. Can I get your na…”
[Chiming in from across the room]
Laura: “Her name is Sam. Hey Sam! I’ll get your drink started right now”
At this point I start to think that Laura is fucking with me.
She KNOWS my name isn’t Sam and she wants to see how long I will keep pretending it is.
Well Laura, you win.
7 months and 140 iced coffees later I AM STILL SAM.
Today the guy taking my order stopped, just as Laura did on that fateful day in December.
“Don’t tell me. I know your name.”
The other baristas laughed at him and chanted:
“I know her name!” “Yeah me too! It starts with an SSSSS”
Finally he gave in and they told him.
But here’s the kicker.
When I paid with my card, he looked at the receipt.
Looked me in the eyes and said,
Why, it was what anyone knee deep in an irrelevant lie would say:
“Yeah. Sam is my nickname. My nickname with a very long explanation.”
He then said,
“Maybe I’ll start calling you Andrea then.”
I should take this as an opportunity to reclaim my name, but instead it gives me anxiety and I laugh uncomfortably.
Maybe he can tell, because he follows up saying:
“Just kidding! I couldn’t even remember Sam.”
Okay, you can judge me now.