You could blame it on the new morning routine of 5:00 am wake up calls that has left me sleep deprived.
Or the mastitis that had been overwhelming my body.
Maybe it was because I had been dealing with a fevering, teething baby for three days.
I honestly don’t know if it was the exhaustion or the Super moon but doesn’t change the fact that I found myself at a one year old’s birthday party this past weekend in my Vegas bikini.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around how the same girl who lives in jeans and a tank top managed to misrepresent herself so well.
While packing our bag in the morning I was in a hurry.
I grabbed the bikini off of the dryer along with Derek and Declan’s trunks, without really thinking about which one it was.
Once we got to the party, Declan was desperate to get in the pool.
And because the fates hate me, for the first time ever Derek did not want to get into the water.
So I grabbed my suit along with a cover up and went to change.
It wasn’t until I had even come back from changing that I had realized the gravity of the situation.
Derek said, “You brought your Vegas bikini?”
I used Declan as a human shield to cover my body as I scurried quickly into the water.
I can only imagine how pretentious I looked in my bright green Victoria’s Secret suit and giant sun hat.
You know it’s bad when you’re thinking, “this bitch” about yourself.
Unfortunately for me but lucky in the situation, I don’t exactly fill out said bikini like the Victoria’s Secret model advertising it.
I’m still asking my mom when my boobs are going to come in.
But boobs or no boobs I still felt like a giant one.
And while I may be banned from 1 year old pool parties for the rest of my life I at least learned a valuable lesson:
Victoria’s Secret bikinis should be stored in the naughty drawer to avoid uncomfortable situations like these.
Because Lord knows that thing is collecting dust.
I need to store my shit better.
Peace, love, and tanning grease!